Lately, I’ve found myself identifying quite a lot with the LGBTQ community. I find the individuals more interesting, open-minded, flamboyant, creative, and introspective than average. As a group I admire their tremendous courage and success in becoming more accepted by our culture and society. I think about where this community was a generation or two ago, mostly in hiding, fearing for and often questioning their own lives! It makes me cry to see how far we’ve come… and still must go.
I’ve also been identifying, as you may guess, with the notion of being queer. When I asked a gay friend what the Q means she said, “It used to mean Questioning.” This didn’t make much sense to me, since in my mind anyone who’s even remotely awake is questioning! So, I replied, “I think I like Queer better!”
I look at the list of definitions and realize not only do I relate but I’ve been called almost all these things! And while I’m comfortable with my sexuality, I realize I have pretty unorthodox notions of how we might explore our sexual energy, intimacy, and relationship needs. Notions which don’t easily fit into our conventional, patriarchal models of commitment.
I’ve had more than a few relationships, some brief, some longstanding, all quite meaningful in their unique way, which have disappeared without any real explanation. When inquired, I’ve often gotten a cold shoulder, or worse, a complete ghosting. I’ve been left assuming there's something about me, the very nature of me, that is disquieting, disturbing, and thus feels somehow unsafe and undeserving of consideration. I know this may mean there’s something going on with them, but this is how I have felt, and perhaps sometimes you have too.
Being unusual, walking our own path, takes great courage. We will encounter obstacles from within and without. Staying the course and finding our true friends is the soul’s journey of this lifetime.
So, what do you think? Am I Queer? I’m interested to hear how this inquiry touches you. I wish us godspeed on our expedition of self-discovery and unfolding into our true, authentic selves.
I’m here, alongside, holding your hand.
Queer (def): 1. odd, strange, unusual, funny, peculiar, curious, bizarre, weird, outlandish, eccentric, unconventional, unorthodox, uncanny, abnormal, atypical, different, remarkable, puzzling, mystifying, oblique, perplexing, baffling, incongruous, uncommon, irregular, perverse, offbeat, deviant, questionable, dangerous, dark, light, extraordinary; 2. denoting or relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.